Adam’s hands were wrapped around Ronan’s throat, tight enough to be dangerous. He was not in control. This was the demon, thieving and destroying what Adam treasured in one fell swoop; killing Ronan by stealing Adam’s autonomy. It felt like a nightmare but Adam knew it wasn’t. Adam was all too awake and this was all too real and he despised it. Ronan’s pulse fluttered wildly beneath Adam’s hands. Adam begged for Ronan to stop him – only Ronan, because now Gansey and Blue and Henry and Opal girl weren’t here; they had disappeared one way or another. But Ronan’s eyes gave him the answer that his voice couldn’t. I won’t hurt you. In that moment, Adam hated how gentle Ronan could be. Adam was literally killing Ronan and Ronan wouldn’t fight back for fear of hurting him. The thing was that Ronan’s fear was completely misplaced. Even if Ronan had fought back, Adam would be able to easily …show more content…
He didn’t want to hurt Ronan. He wrapped Adam’s hands in his own anyway. A tiny, helpless sob escaped Adam and he shook his head. Ronan scooted closer, holding Adam’s hands against his heart. He knew what this was; Adam had been plagued by this very nightmare ever since that hellish night months ago. Ronan was no stranger to calming Adam down afterward, and he knew that it helped if Adam could feel some evidence that he was alive and, since Adam refused to put his hands on Ronan’s neck at all, his heartbeat was the next best thing. It took longer than usual for Adam to calm down that night. This was probably because he had seen the aftermath of Ronan’s death in that nightmare. Usually, he woke just after the demon left. Somehow, those last few seconds managed to sicken and horrify Adam more than the rest of it. It reinforced that he had been the one to kill Ronan; that he was the one who had betrayed Ronan’s daringly-given trust; that he had broken his promise to himself and to Gansey: I will not break