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Analyzing Emilio Dunbar's Home Life

742 Words3 Pages

A magical bike helps a young boy with Cystic Fybrosis cope with his illness.

FIRST 12 PAGES and OUTLINE COMMENTS
The concept for this dramatic, supernatural story is very sweet. The idea of a magical bike helping a young boy cope with an illness and with grief has a very strong appeal. One can see how the concept could make for a very moving, touching, and potentially fun film.
The first 12 pages clearly establish Emilio Dunbar’s home life. It’s a sad life and one with pain. The opening establishes that Emilio is grieving over the death of his military father and that he’s neglected by his mother, who is struggling to cope with her own loss.
The opening also showcases Emilio’s obsession with a mysterious bike. The outline shows how the …show more content…

This may not be the best story choice.
In addition, the idea of Emilio dying is very depressing. It may make the script more challenging to market. Producers don’t necessarily like the idea of creating a story in which a child dies, especially because he was neglected and didn’t take the medication he should have been taking. This may not be the message to send to parents and kids, especially those dealing with cystic fibrosis.
What does work is the idea that the bike changes not only Emilio’s life, but also the life of his family. Show how the bike helps his mother heal and how it makes his sister less selfish, and how it helps his brother deal with his inner conflict about the death of the father and the direction of his life.
The idea of the tutor being the spirit or ghost of Emilio’s father may or may not work, depending on the execution.
Re-consider the tone. It reads fairly dark and depressing, which again, could make the script challenging to market. Instead, consider a more family-friend script in which Emilio uses the magic of the bike to accomplish a goal. Give him a fun sidekick friend (a tried and true formula) and/or maybe he meets a new friend (a little girl

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