Analyzing The Loss Of Identity In Celeste Ng's Everything I Never Told You

“Fitting in is becoming who you think you need to be to be accepted” (Brene Brown). Belonging and acceptance only come from changing who you are. The emotional novel by Celeste Ng walks through the life of the Lee family, who have just experienced the loss of their sister and daughter. As the story unfolds, we see the characters cope with the loss, and uncover the hidden secrets from the surface. The articles, Chameleon and Failure, show us the pressures people face of hiding their true identity. Although on the outside, fitting in seems like a positive aspect of society, for the characters in Celeste Ng’s Everything I Never Told You, fitting in comes from hiding your true identity.

Fitting in to be accepted comes with sacrificing things that

Lydia lies to her parents concerning her social standing at school, this allows her father to live through her in the ways he missed out, and love her more. After Lydia goes missing, the author writes, “The police have suggested they call all of Lydia’s friends, anyone who might know where she’s gone. Together they construct a list: Pam Saunders. Jenn Pittman. Shelley Brierley. Nath doesn’t correct them, but these girls have never been Lydia’s friends.” (Ng 15). Lydia tells her family that she has lots of friends and is very popular. She even goes to the extent of fake phone calls with her fake friends, she just talks to herself with the phone to her ear. Throughout the story we see Lydia change her identity, or lie about who she really is for her parents' love and attention. According to the article "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs" by Commonlit staff, social needs have a strong influence and can result in deceiving those you care about. The article states, “This need for belonging can sometimes overcome physiological and security needs, in the presence of peer pressure. For example, a person with an eating disorder may ignore the need to eat and the security of health for a feeling of belonging” (CommonLit Staff 9). People will stop at nothing to win the love of others. To fit in, people will even go so far as to lie regarding their identity or even something as serious as a condition like an eating disorder. In Everything I Never Told You, James Lee lies when referring to his relationships with his Chinese-American graduate student Louisa Chen in order to maintain his sense of belonging in the country he calls home, and with his family. Ng indicates, “Coming to her made him feel perfectly welcomed, perfectly at home, as he had never in his life felt before.” (Ng 40). He hung onto Marilyn longer than he should have because she gave him a sense of security. He had to lie to his whole family about