I am Dr. Jennifer Wise from the New York Psychoanalytic Society and Institute. I read your book, and I know that you responded to your brother’s death by punching the windows in your garage, permanently injuring your hand. The source of the feverishness you exhibited came from a few things that are intangible like death and cancer. These things are each responsible for taking Allie from you, and because you could not physically prevent death or cancer from taking away your brother, you punished yourself.
You continue with this act of self-punishment when you began to flunk all but one of your classes. In your book, you said the only reason you got into the school was because your parents were able to pay for it and the only reason you were
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When you are at the museum, you comment about how you don’t want change and want everything to stay the same. Maturity is a type of change, and with maturity can mean the loss of innocence, but at the same time, it can be an acknowledgement of your increasing wisdom. In the children’s bathroom, you were erasing the curse words with the intent of saving their innocence, potentially preventing them from maturing and changing. The gold ring inside of the carousel can resemble the reach that children are making to become mature, meaning they would symbolically be losing their innocence, yet be exploring new territory and simultaneously be gaining wisdom. By stopping them from “falling”, you would be hindering their personal growth, a part of life that requires taking risks even if that means falling. I found that you wanted to be saved from the fall that Mr. Antolini described, but this fall represents change and it is inevitable. Despite the need for change, I understand that when you tried to suppress change, you were trying to maintain the status quo of the comfort and understanding of your own environment. Your conclusion of letting the children fall off the ride means that you began the process of realizing that you must accept inevitability of