During my 30 Years of Child Custody and Divorce Practice, I would often have a Parent tell me "Little Johnny always says he wants to live with me and hates it at his Mom 's/Dad 's House. Why doesn 't the Child Custody Evaluator or Family Law Judge listen to him or her and change custody?"
We have to remember that particularly in high conflict child custody cases, Children get "caught up" in the conflict. They know that their Parents are in the midst of a Custody Battle, and they don 't want to offend either, often for fear of abandonment by the Parent that they "let down."
Children involved in Child Custody Conflicts can feel like they are walking a "tight rope." They are just trying to survive. They quickly learn what makes each Parent
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If you listen closely, you may hear your child say something critical about the other Parent that is similar to what you say or how you feel about the other Parent. Children often overhear conversations or just sense how one Parent feels about the Other.
Parents can cause this situation during a child custody dispute unknowingly. Clients have said, " I have never asked Little Johnny where he wants to live. He just voluntarily says he wants to live with me." What the Parent doesn 't understand is that it is not what "you say," but your behavior and actions, which encourage a certain type of behavior by a Child.
In addition to creating emotional turmoil and upset to your Child in the short term during the child custody conflict, this type of situation can also cause serious long term emotional damage. A Child will have a skewed view of adults and the proper way to behave. They will have trouble trusting other individuals. Often, they lose touch with their own true feelings and needs because they are accustomed to "act out" to meet the needs of each of their Parents.
When you are in the middle of a Child Custody Battle, it is difficult to think with a Level Head. You are caught up in your emotions and tend to behave in a manner, which feeds those