Crutch For Emotions

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I wrote my first poem in third grade. It was an acrostic poem I had named SCARY. I wrote scary about anxiety a word I did not have in my vocabulary at nine. Poetry became my crutch for emotions. It was like I had broken a leg that refused to heal. It felt fine some days even normal but others it was an excruciating pain like it had just shattered all over. I was ashes blowing off a burnt log, decaying slowly. Poetry gave me a voice to describe the beauty of staring at a sunflower’s bright smile on dreary days and the strength to describe the storm of water that would pull me inches from life and leave me gasping. Poetry never let me consume myself completely even when tears felt like ocean water welling up in my throat. In eighth grade my feelings had come to their boiling point. …show more content…

The world didn't need me, I didn't need me, I didn't even know who I was. I couldn't figure out these feelings, I felt unwelcome in this body and in this world. For months I'd go out of my way avoiding people who cared about me. The storm in my head turned into a hurricane until I could no longer control it. I had written poems for every night I had felt that I was crumbling under shadows. I eventually told my friends what was happening, it had been months since I had last spoke to them and the only thing I could say to them out loud was “I'm sorry”. Nearing the end of the school year there was one last unit in the English curriculum, a poetry slam. I knew immediately what I had to do, I asked my friend if she'd like to do a partner poem. She without hesitation said yes and we wrote the poem in one night. My part was an apology full while hers was forgiving me. We practiced it until we knew it like we knew our own names. I was determined to make sure my friends understood what they meant to me, winning was