Erik Schaefer Research Paper

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A Nazi Named Erik Schaefer – Siva Incarnate

Erik Schaefer was born to a family of great Germany bankers, but is also the great-grandson of Isaac Newton’s sister. He got his PhD in relatvistic physics from Harvard University, and thereupon become an associate professor, and eventually a full-professor at the University of Toronto, where he taught astrophysics for a period of twenty years and worked on nuclear propulsion in spacecraft. In 2009, he was fired for lighting a student’s work on fire after his discontent. He then earned a B.Ed. and thereupon secured a position has a physics teacher, banished from academia.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a flamboyant man named Erik Schaefer

Schaefer took us out to the field downstairs to expirement on the aerodynamics behind frisbees. He put us into partners to examine how long it took for a frisbee to land on the ground using different trajetory angles. But to our dismay, five minutes in, Dr. Schaefer was nowhere to be found. Once our whole class was done making observations, we found him in the staff parking lot smoking over his car. His face turned red when he saw us. He threw down the cigar, but then realizing that it was not a cheap cigarette, screamed: “God damn’ it Martha, why don’t these children stay put to their leashes?” He went up to the class clown, Ibteesam Reaz, and spoke the following words, while putting his finger on Ibteesam’s chest: “You. You’re paying for that cigar. You know where I got that from? You know how far Cuba is? God damn’ commies are hard to deal with you know.” A student reported him and Schaefer was sent to the office, but threatened the principal, saying: “Relax, I know what I’m doing.” After sliding the princpal $1500 and some powdered mini-donuts (the “President’s Choice” 12-pack kind), he was freed from any potentally harming legal trouble. He did this all in front of the student who reported him. Somewhat embarrasing one would have to assume. (Eventually that student’s mark would drop to 37%. Doesn’t sound like a conspiracy at

Schaefer lit his hair on fire. One day, he was using a tube-like amplifying apparatus to create different frequencies of sound from different intensities of fire. There was a sort of gas combuster doing this insensity-modulation. Out of breath, he spoke the following words to one of his students, Harish: “Harish, come over here and give your ol’ man a lil’ help.” He then instructs him to hold the gas-combuster in such an angle so its escaping sound-waves can be directly focussed on a sound-capturing device. Harsh lost control and out blew a steam of fire. Fortunately, he was wearing a toolworker’s mask, but his exposed area, his hair, sure caught on fire. He screamed! He jumped! Finally, Harish got a towel and wacked it his head. Dr. Schaefer took off his mask and a patch of hair was gone, and the remaining parts of his hair had turned black. He looked at himself in the mirror and in emotions turned almost neutral, and somewhat comtemplative: “It’s odd. I got fired from my professorship for burning a student’s work. I ended his life there, didn’t I? I guess this is karma.” Thereafter, Dr. Schaefer told Harish to sit down, and for the remaining class, stared at the windows at the back of the classroom, inducing a deafening silence that made all of us feel awkward to the nth