Examples Of Being A Chinese American

I grew up hating hyphens. The little hyphen seems meaningless to most but perfectly characterized the center of my struggle growing up. Chinese-American versus Chinese American. What's the big difference? To quote President Roosevelt, “There is no such thing as a hyphenated American who is a good American. The only man who is a good American is the man who is an American and nothing else.” Roosevelt’s philosophy was something that perfectly describes my internal childhood struggle. I interpreted being a good American, as being a white American. For me, it meant suppressing my Chinese identity to try and become more relatable to my white peers. All of my friends were white, the majority of my teammates (football, wrestling, baseball) were white, and most of my teachers/coaches/mentors were white. I took a variety of measures to try and be “more white.” I would laugh off jokes like, “all Asians eat dog,” or “you only have nice calves because your ancestors worked in the rice fields.” I would try to get my straw-textured hair to curl, because all the other kids were curling their hair. I would listen to hours of country music, and wear vineyard vines just to be like other white kids. When my hair couldn’t curl, or someone laughed at my Chinese food for lunch, I blamed my parents, and my Chinese heritage for it. I

Chinese is just one part of my identity. It could be replaced with anything: handsome, athletic, or compassionate. Chinese-American, suggests to me, it is the only part of one’s identity. The only way to be seen by others. Even though, I was born in America, I could never be fully American. Not being American enough, was my main misconception as a pre-teen/teen, and I tried everything I could to become one. Being American enough meant being like the other white kids I was around. As a result of this, I closed off the Chinese aspect of my identity, which hurt my relationship with myself, my culture, and most importantly my