Based on a true story, after being forced out of their home five sisters vow to stay together as they survive the horrors of the Nazi Concentration camps.
STORY COMMENTS
FIVE SISTERS is based on true event. It tells the miraculous story of five devoted Jewish sisters who vow to stay together when forced out of their home in Czechoslovakia and are detained in a Nazi concentration camp. The story is definitely a remarkable tale and an inspirational tale.
The goal is clear and the stakes are extremely high: life and death. There are solid themes about faith, fate, survival, and endurance. The tone is consistently dramatic. The era, culture, and time period feel authentic. There’s no doubt that the terror and the horrors of the concentration
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The script contains many solid and powerful features, but the script would benefit from developing more tension to drive the tale. To gain attention, the characters, while likable, will have to be more compelling and make harder life choices.
There are been many films about the Holocaust, the struggle for survival, and the heroism of individuals. While the hook is the remarkable vow for the five sisters to stay together, the plot requires more.
The structure in the first act is non-linear. It begins in 1944, but flashes back to 1939, which provides the backstory leading up to the family’s separation.
The opening title card is chilling and sets the tone.
The first act showcases the family’s ordinary world and how it’s interrupted by the horrors of the war. The inciting event is when the family is eventually forced out of their home and into the camps. The sisters are separated from their parents and their brother. The vow to stand together drives the plot. It’s about the emotional goal of remaining
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Remember, storytelling is visual and try to replace dialogue with visual storytelling or action. There’s a compelling scene in which Rivka smiles as the girls run off (page 49) and then she glances at the smoke stack. No words are needed. The look and the visual image convey the message and the heartbreak.
Thus on page 46, there’s no need for Rivka to say, “Who knew they had crematoriums.”
On page 15, try to make the scene even more tension when the police come.
While Josef Mengele is certainly a horrific antagonist, he’s not a consistent antagonist in the story. Consider creating one.
In the climax, try to elevate the fear of the girls that they really are headed towards their death.
Right now, while the script attempts to create this feeling, it has to be much stronger. Convince the audience they are doing to die. Maybe have the sisters sing a song together or create some type of emotional scene before they are rescued.
Other ways to add more tension are to include a possible escape attempt and elevate more of the threat of discovery throughout the script.
Even though Peter offers the sisters an option, this comes late in the script making the structure feel