Graduation Speech: Sterotactic Breast Biopsy

OK ladies of the world, I had a sitting stereotactic breast biopsy Monday. They said "it 's a minor procedure-nothing you can 't handle. You 'll be feeling fine after a day" Let me tell you something... WRONG! Oh my goodness this procedure was something... I wonder how many of the nurses who told me it was minor have actually had one done? If you don 't know what this procedure is, do what every good human does and GTS really quick.
OK now that you 've seen what I 'm talking about let me give you a brief over view of my experience. There aren 't very many personal accounts of this procedure online- just a ton of medical mumbo jumbo. Here 's the meat and potatoes I wish I would have read before I went in. First, you 're right back to the

For me, I was in the very same room I had been in last week when I had my second mammograms. Since mine was a sitting procedure I climbed into a giant,less than comfortable, recliner. (Some people do this laying down on their stomachs, but because my biopsy would be close to the cleavage line I had to be sitting so they could see it. ) I hope at this point you know your birthday well because they will ask you about a million times. ☺ Next up is the extreme smoosh as I call it-it was like a mammogram on crack. They leave you there for the entire procedure and boy that HURT. Then comes the burning stinging of the Lidocaine used to numb you up. Oh and by the way, you are under no circumstances allowed to watch the procedure. Even though you are sitting facing the machine with everything

Discharge instructions in hand, ice packs in my bra, (WEAR A TIGHT SPORTS BRA IF YOU CARE AT ALL ABOUT YOURSELF), sucking juice from a juice box like my toddler at home, I made my way out to where my mom had been waiting for me and we left. It 's a good idea to have someone drive you because once that numbing juice wears off oh boy it is awful. Trust me. The rest of the day was spent in a foggy haze from the Lidocaine trying to get out of me. Tylenol every 4 hours around the clock for the first day, added in some Advil yesterday. This hurts WAY more than I anticipated it would. Lifting my arm, moving at all, sneezing, EVERYTHING hurts. I recommend wearing a bikini top in the shower. For me, the weight of my boob being unsupported was excruciating. I took my first shower with one arm supporting my boob and other doing the showering. I 'm sure it would have been hilarious to watch. Part of the pain is muscle soreness, part is actual pain from the fact they took stuff out and put stuff in. I was ready for a day or so of pain and be done (based on what they told me and the online medical mumbo jumbo I 'd read) but we are on day two and there 's no end in sight. I removed the gauze yesterday (well Tom removed it while I tried to keep my skin from peeling off with the tape) and there are still six Steri strips over the incision yet. Swollen. Bruised. Sore. This will be my life