I Am A Tomboy Analysis

According to Person 's Genderbread, I was genderqueer, butch, female, and bi. Now, I am woman, femme/androgynous, female, and pan. The discussion we had in class, to attempt to pinpoint and remember the first time we recognized "gender" in our lives, opened the floodgates to a different perception of who I once was, and a better understanding of who I am now. Thoughts that I believed had been buried and locked away years ago resurfaced with a ferocity that shook me to my core. The realization that humans do not have to be just male and female shed a bright light on the confusions and hurt I faced in my childhood.

I did not have a word for who I was. "I am a tomboy," I would say when I tried explaining myself to people, but I have always felt

I fell into depression when I was 13 years old. No one knew. I laughed at jokes and smiled at classmates, all the while feeling a hollow sadness that did not go away. I cried myself to sleep for apparently no reasons other than that sadness I felt. And I hated myself for crying for no reason. 'Weak. Only weaklings cry for absolutely no reason. Worthless. You still have no clue what you are going to do with your life. Ah your parents, wasting so much money to keep you alive. All for nothing because you don 't have a clue for what you want your career to be, and you can 't ever pay them back. Waste of space. That 's what you are. ' I believed that voice, the voice of depression. 'Tell someone? Everyone else already has enough on their own plates, this is my own problem. ' 'Therapist? Ha, as if I would force my parents to waste even more money on me. ' Part of me now wonders if the depression had come because I had not been fitting

My mother works in a pharmaceutical company, she has a big cupboard filled with bottles and bottles of prescription drugs. I taught myself how to tie a noose, and I would stare at the hook (for hanging flower pots) on the ceiling wondering what it would feel like to dangle from there. I suppose this could be diagnosed as "severe" depression, when I honestly considered committing suicide. Before you start making plans to pull me aside after class to talk to me, I realized that my little brother was less emotionally stable than I am, and that if I should go – there would be a good chance that he would follow. I could not do that to my beloved brother, nor to my parents who spoiled him rotten. It was at this thought, I decided that I would stay alive for the people I care about. I made my purpose in life to make other people 's lives easier and happier