I HATE KIDS presents as a fun and entertaining road-trip comedy. While the concept is not considered new to the industry, it’s a tried and true premise. It never gets stale to watch an emotionally broken down character learn to love through the love of a child. The goal is clear and the stakes are very personal. The tone nicely blends drama and comedy. There are solid themes and messages about family, parenthood, bonding, and second chances.
In addition, the script offers likable and distinctive characters that are easy to care about and root for.
The script presents with many smart story choices, including the idea of a former womanizer, writing a book called “I HATE KIDS.” This is a nice set up for conflict when he learns he’s a father;
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Maybe have Nick at a book-signing event and he’s making jokes about parenthood, solidifying his dislike or fear of kids. It’s never really clear why he doesn’t like children or doesn’t want them. He says they don’t like him, but there’s probably something in his past or backstory that needs to be developed to clarify his feelings. This will also help make Nick a deeper and more complex character if one understands his fear of parenthood and why.
The idea that he’s about to get married is a good story choice. This raises the stakes and gives the story a nice ticking clock.
The goal to help Mason is well defined. The second act is driven by this goal. A road trip adventure is always fun. However, remember in a road trip film the protagonist needs to learn something new along the way. So, each time Nick finds one of his former girlfriends, Nick needs to learn something new about one’s self (how he treated women, his own fear of commitment or abandonment).
The other element in the first part of the second act (road trip) that gets a bit lost is the bonding and conflict between Mason and Nick. Fabular overshadows Mason for a long time in the second act. It will benefit the script to create more conflict between Mason and Nick. This will help build chemistry between them. Remember, it’s really a “love story” between father and son. Convince the audience that they belong
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There’s nice subtext. Some scenes can streamline the dialogue to help enhance the pace. As mentioned, the radio scene at the end can be trimmed. Dialogue in the scene on page 26 can be trimmed at the end of the scene. Consider cutting Sydney’s speech, “That is just so weird.”
The comedy works best with witty banter. Sometimes the comedy feels too forced or contrived, “I feel like I’m at my own funeral… and it’s only attended by cats.” This joke doesn’t generate any laughs. ”Just cause a critter has balls…” isn’t organically funny. “Remind me to have an ejector seat,” doesn’t sound naturally funny. The quip about Aunt Jemima could be cut.
Remember, forced jokes can sound flat. The best humor is derived organically from characters. What does work is “Don’t they have, like, “stand-by” people for this kind of thing.” This works because it emphasizes the flaw of Sydney. The idea of Fabular being a clown is also fun.
The overall tension can be stronger if there’s more anticipation about who Mason’s mother is and if there’s more guessing if Fabular is telling the truth or not. In addition, there can be more conflict between father and son and a stronger relationship arc between father and