ITHACA presents as a dark comedy. The plot centers on a rather troubled college student trying to put the pieces together of how he woke up in a mental hospital. The story is driven by themes about healing and learning to grow up.
While the script and the structure would benefit from more development, there are some really good scenes crafted in this script that are worth mentioning. First, some of the dialogue is skillfully worded and conveys a “Catch-22” ironic style of dark humor. For example, the conversation about whether a crazy person knows they are psychotic or not is smart. The exchange is sharp with great rhythm. The discussion about whether or not a new drug can truly be non-addictive also is skillfully crafted and the irony
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However, there’s really nothing at risk or at stake for him. He’s not going to miss a wedding, or a promotion, or graduation. Thus, consider crafting more of an actionable goal for Leonard that has consequences and high stakes.
Find ways to escalate the tension and sense of urgency. Consider a ticking clock tension to elevate the tension. Another way to elevate tension is to create a worthy antagonist that presents as an impediment for Leonard.
Leonard is a likable character until the ending when the story turns too dark and he cuts himself. He has the potential to be funny and witty, yet complex. He’s vulnerable about Felicity and maybe even a little obsessive. He’s a follower, not a leader. He’s immature, but one never gets the sense that he grows up. His revelation at the end that his higher power is “Ithaca” doesn’t have any strong emotional response. One isn’t really clear on the meaning of him saying this and it feels dark. His dialogue, for the most part, sounds sharp.
The script, however, feels overly chatty between Leonard and Harry. There’s also some repetitive dialogue on page 9 about being psychotic and on page 32 about the heart growing
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What’s so well done is the solid chemistry that is created in their scene together. While intended or not, she makes one think of Annie Hall and the character of “Summer” in 500 DAYS OF SUMMER. One wonders if her role should be a bit expanded. Maybe Leonard calls her and she keeps reminding him of their agreement. This would reveal his obsessive personality and create more anticipation about their relationship.
The script is professionally presented. On page 70, if the male bum is speaking this should be formatted in dialogue format. The opening description of Leonard feels overly wordy. On page 16, show that his words come out sincere, but weak vs. explaining it. Visually show on page 27 what “retains the shock that first whacked him” means. On page 33, it’s not clear what is meant by Jimmy is “visibly hit with a realization in an exaggerated way...” How will the viewing audience understand this? On page 67, avoid explaining feelings, “What Felicity says…”
In summary, one can envision a really fun film about a man who tries to figure out what happened to him, but it’s unclear in this presentation if the true intention is a broad or dark comedy or a more dramatic presentation. The third act turns very dark and this may not appeal to all audiences. The lack of a clear actionable goal and stakes also holds the script