The author could not support his opinions due to the words he used while in his persuasive essay. Shepherd did not convince his audience due to lack of information
Before I would just throw in numbers and statements without setting the context and I would often end the paragraph without an acceptable amount of discussion. I also did not know how to state the evidence while giving credit where its due. In my current draft of “Seattle Versus the Homeless”, i use words such as “according to,” and “based off of,” and give credit where it is do. I still have a lot of room to grow in this topic, but I have certainly improved since the beginning of this quarter. In This in-class essay, we had to find a news topic that was interesting to us and write about it.
I referred to unit 7’s discussion post where you outlined your essay. So far your research has proven to make for an interesting essay. I’m sorry I did not find a persuasive thesis statement in Unit 8 though, meaning I’m not convinced that there should be a policy change. I know you stated this is a working thesis statement which was not included in unit 8’s post. If you don’t mind, I would like to give some guidance.
Despite minor imperfection in the text it is a logical and well-formed argument that is highly
And I find that satisfactory evidence of at least a semblance of improvement. The major detriment to the paper was its lack of regard for its audience. My introduction was quite dry and uninteresting to the prospective reader, and unlikely to encourage the papers continued reading. As such, I must attempt to be more aware of my
The quality of writing is very clear and it is easy to decipher what the paper is saying; this strong grammar and organization adds a lot more strength to the argument the paper
Argument Essay Outline Thesis Statement: Owen J Roberts middle school should increase the time spent in F.C.S because it teaches student parenting skills, it teaches student how to handle money, and it teaches students to be independent. T.S.--Owen J. Roberts should increase the amount of time in F.C.S because it teaches parenting skills. Evidence 1- Knowing F.C.S a student would know what to do if giving the burden of babysitting or accidental pregnancy. For example a teen mom might not know to burp a baby because it's less obvious of a thing that a baby needs to do.
Connor, you did a wonderful job on your essay. It appears that you grasped the material and for the most part you articulate your ideas in a clear, concise manner. The examples you provided in the second paragraph helped to strengthen your argument. One suggestion I have is to work of varying your syntax. It will help will the flow of your essay.
Brendon Radford “First Draft” November 11, 2015 **** My paper is far from complete, but here is my very rough outline at the moment. I have chosen to omit 3 sections total from my rough draft because the draft is limited to 4 pages and I simply could not make that by including any of the sections. In addition I am not sure how to smoothly incorporate them and am going to talk to Trace for ideas on this. The paper is research style, as she told me that was acceptable and she preferred research style papers. **** Introduction:
I feel like the conclusion was well written and ended the article in an appropriate way. It might not be the way I would have written it, but I think their effort to help people understand that they need to take care of themselves, is
The next common thing a writer struggles with is reproducing the thesis statement. Revising my thesis statement gave me a tough time because I was taught differently from my high school teacher and my college professor. My high school teacher taught me to list all the things I'm introducing in my body paragraphs to my thesis statement. Because of this, I had difficult time fixing my mistakes, but I kept reading my thesis statement to find out how I can incorporate ideas so it's not a list. Eventually, I was able to combine ideas and produced a thesis statement that connects to my topic sentences.
Overall, I have made the paper to focus more on myself. For instance, I edited the thesis statement so that it represent my point of view about the social class instead of what other people think. Such as I used the word me, I, and I am throughout the thesis instead of people. By doing so, make more sense when connected to the third paragraph, which talks about my goals, ambition, what I hold dear, and the reason I choose Thomas. Plus, I added more information to the conclusion so that it's more about me.
RESEARCH STATEMENT The enigmatic sky which once used to sing silent lullabies at night, one day tempted my developing consciousness to explore the perplex puzzles hidden there. For days, I kept on thinking about the vast mysterious kingdom up in the sky- millions of light years away from us. Consequently, it expanded my curiosity in such a level that I could not stop myself from peeping into it deeply in order to have some hope to apprehend the factual scenario. It was a stupendous experience to cognise the field, ’Physics’, not only dealing with the nature, but also explaining the relationship between the forces existing.
The writer can make this point by supplying substantial evidences, seeing the issues that they present in-depth ad analyzing them. 2. What are the strongest aspects of this essay? What “really works”?
Position statement: For college Should I or should I not, that is the decision we all encounter when we finally reach high school. Now, there are many factors that will affect a person’s life. The most important of these factors is whether or not one has a college degree. Through out this essay I will discuss why I believe that it would be advantageous for students to continue their education in college. I believe this because the unemployment rate (proven by FRED) among high school graduates is incredibly much higher than people that have graduated from college.
