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Improving My Thesis Statement

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Revision In revising this paper, I took into consideration both deep-level and surface-level revisions. I focused on improving the analysis of my paper by first reading through the essay and thinking over the comments made on both the essay and the grading rubric. From these comments, I realized that I needed to strengthen both my introduction and my conclusion. To achieve this, I reworded the introduction and strengthened my thesis statement to ensure that it was precise and focused on my topic. On the final paragraph, I reworded and restructured the conclusion to remove any element of vagueness. I also recognized that my essay was more of a narrative than a persuasive essay. Therefore, I sought to correct this by incorporating stronger topic
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And I find that satisfactory evidence of at least a semblance of improvement. The major detriment to the paper was its lack of regard for its audience. My introduction was quite dry and uninteresting to the prospective reader, and unlikely to encourage the papers continued reading. As such, I must attempt to be more aware of my

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