Keep Digging by- Sanaya Ross
Somone else’s cancer is eating me...
Penetrating my emotions... and shifting into my mind... enclosing entirely and consuming my internal dialog...It is so painful... why is it so painful... I am just a bystander.. Why do I feel this too...
It hurts, literally hurts me to the point where it is difficult to function because my thoughts are enveloped in trying to find a solution which may not even exist... or meaning in what could be a somewhat meaningless event. Perhaps it means nothing... We all live and we all die. So why does the knowledge that another’s light is dimming grab me, grip me so deeply with crippling fear, anger, and sadness?
Why is it... that God, Buddha, makes me feel this too! Why must I struggle
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I would have the ultimate self-love... and an unlimited wealth of love to give. I need to treat myself better but its hard when you relive your trauma and losses every day, they never go away or heal. I will rise, I will find a way, and I will not let this be meaningless in my eyes when I see all of the pain and beauty for what it really is. People need to be more aware and care how they affect other people. Everyone goes around with their imagined self importance thinking they are the only person in the universe who matters, they care nothing for the pain of others...all that matters is that the hole isn't on their end of the boat.. I'm not sure where humankind is headed but it seems very unlikely it will be anywhere that I would want to go... it seems like a callous meaningless world of self-righteousness and instant gratification through the path of least resistance... where no one gives a shit about anyone but themselves. I need to do something though because my son lives here and will continue to live here long after my bones have turned to dust within the earth’s crust. I need to eliminate the fear or losing or not having basic needs met again... so I can feel like I am able to thrive and not just survive... which means finding a way to prosper