Revision Statement Analysis

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Revision Statement: I first confirmed that my essay title is strong and engaging, so that my readers will be immediately interested. I made sure that my essay title was an engaging question such as: “Can the Act of Child Labor be Stopped?“ This question will cause my readers to be curios of the answer, resulting them to begin reading my essay. I confirmed that my essay was written with critical thinking and in-depth sentences so that my Child Labor topic is fully analyzed from every perspective. In order to create in-depth sentences, I added more details to some sentences. An example of this is the following sentence, “In addition to being a cultural norm, it also teaches them important, useful skills and a strong work ethic, which can be applied in the future.” In …show more content…

I reinforced my evidence so that all my statistics and facts from the peer-reviewed journals were clear and straightforward. An example of this is the following sentences; “Statistics show that only 41% of children at the age of 15 are literate in India. Nigeria has 12 million children that are employed while Brazil has 7 million.” In these sentences, I reconstructed the wording by creating two separate sentences so that the information would be straightforward and clear for my readers. I altered my essay’s rhetorical approach and devices in order to have my readers engaged in the material/ evidence that I used. I inspected the structure of my sentences to look for any flaws in regards to the rhythm of emphasizing my topic of Child Labor. An example of this revision is the following sentence, “Child labor is most prevalent in third-world and underdeveloped countries due to the growing demand for manufactured products in countries such as our own.“ In that sentence I made the revision by constructing the sentence to be active voice rather than passive