For Kaela: I love the opening anecdote, it starts the essay with a bang and compacts so much information in so little space. The segues used between paragraphs and ideas are seamless. The choice of words used when you talk about not being at a pizza place or a bread isle, or when you describe your “celiac safety system” your words evoke a lot of pictures and makes the essay more dynamic. One quote that really stuck with me is “perfection demands more than I can achieve”. Perfection does demand a lot and humans are not perfect. We might think we are, or we try to be, but no earthly being has ever reached that status. Trying to reach perfection and failing will still land you somewhere near it though. Since “the search [for balance] does not …show more content…
Your thoughts and your words sounded exactly like what you said about not trying to please others- it was raw emotions and the story of how you came to be the person you are today. You don’t use a lot of fancy language, but you sent your message across so well. You use a lot of imagery that made your essay more interesting and dynamic, such as when you say “it was cracked… taped up and being held together by tiny thin fraying strings”. You ended your essay on such an optimistic note that followed the upward trend in positivity of your essay, which was awesome. I’m actually in a situation that is a little similar to yours, and I like how your story turned out so I might try looking into other options like …show more content…
I related to a bunch statements that you made in your essay. For example, I thought of something similar to your opening line- but I would never have used it in an essay. However, you did so brilliantly. You had a confident and optimistic tone throughout the essay, which was refreshing. I also admire that you can incorporate a subtle sense of humor here and there without affecting the tone and voice of the rest of your paper. The fact that you can look past the mistakes of someone and be able to point out the positive characteristics and see the same characteristics in yourself as well is pretty remarkable. Switching back to who you are instead who you are not as your conclusion was well