To break an epic drought on Earth, a meek teenage boy is commanded by the Tree of Life to enter a parallel earth, fight an evil wizard and rescue the spirit named Star Child.
BRIEF SYNOPSIS
Sixteen-year-old James learns that the spirit Tree of Life needs him to fight the evil wizard We-neg. The wizard has captured Star Child, the spirit daughter of the Tree of Life, causing a massive drought on Earth.
Saving Star Child requires James to enter a parallel world to fight We-neg, father of Re-neg. James befriends Re-neg and they team up to save Star Child, who causes the rain that breaks the drought.
DIALOGUE COMMENTS
Such interesting characters deserve a strong, consistently voiced dialogue. While some of the conversations come off as natural
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At least that is an original mix of the clichés “make my skin crawl” and “blood boil”.
The next issue is somewhat opposite of clichés-language that is hard to understand and hurts the development of the character.
A couple of examples follow:
Rockman’s dialogue and appearance seems unneeded. What he says about eating rocks doesn’t feel or sound credible or even funny given the way it’s executed.
The dialogue in the first act through Rockman’s scene works well to establish the plot and fits the actors well. The last act also seems to fit the actors and wraps up the plot with a satisfying ending.
The middle part or the second act is the most challenging and hardest to follow.
Review the script to examine when the dialogue does not seem to fit the characters or their
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He doesn’t feel evil enough to go with his name. He seems like a lonely King who wants some company. Also, he will help James if he can beat the King at chess. In essence, the King acts like a game show host who wants to help James, but will first make him earn the help. However, if James loses, one doesn’t feel like the King would have hurt him. So saying he’s evil isn’t true. Maybe, if James loses, he becomes one of the pieces but that is not clear.
On page 81, the dialogue of We-neg to James makes no sense when he says: “Show me how to use that majestic that’s in your womb, then you can collect both of your prizes.” We don’t know what this means. It’s not clear to the audience what is meant by majestic that’s in your womb. It’s not clear what the “prizes” mean.
Just a moment before, he tells James that what he did “to my wife is unforgivable.” One wonders how he goes from mean to nice immediately.
On page 9, We-neg tries to cajole the Tree of Life and then turns on her, calling her an old witch. We-neg goes from one extreme to another. His emotions turn on a dime, which is OK if the turns were more credible. But a master manipulator like We-neg would seem to be more in control of his emotions. Also, he tips his hand this way, which a wise person