Selections From Hard To Get By Leslie Bell: An Analysis

Building an identity often involves forming a unique personality that abides by the need for affiliation, which is a sense of belonging within a community. Thus, sociocultural norms often dictate how a person ought to act, while at the same time discouraging out of the box mental processes. This leads to citizens assimilating to the culture in place, which leads to a socially determined state of normality. Leslie Bell explores the need for affiliation concept by examining female sexual activity in her book, “Selections from Hard to Get: Twenty-Something Women and the Paradox of Sexual Freedom.” In her book she details the lives of females who struggle to build a sexual identity because of their newfound freedom in their early to mid-twenties.

The answer simply is that it is easier to throw a label on someone, than it is to offer help which requires challenging work and effort. Sometimes help means giving someone support to properly overcome adverse situations. In Bell’s work, women face the difficult task of building an identity in a world dominated by traditional values. It makes sense that they are expected to follow the customs that have been in place for, in some cases, centuries. However, we are learning that some of these traditional values portray women unfairly. For example, “There is a fine line between being experimental and being a slut” (Bell 27). This is a classic case of shaming women for having too many sexual partners, and expecting them to be virgins. However, men are not given the same line to follow, as they are allowed to do as they please. The need for affiliation forces women to conform to traditional values, and continue being submissive to men. However, the reality is that men and women should be considered equal, and the offensive labels that are used are misogynistic and unnecessary. It is easy to label women because society dictates how they should act, and deviating from the norm forces them to be negatively portrayed. Women should be given support in their mid-twenties, to help form an identity which allows them to have a liberating lifestyle. This relates to the dissociative episodes adults face, as

Currently, society restricts women and the mentally ill down the same dreaded path. For women, the path is either to being negatively labeled, or conforming to the male created traditional norm. For the mentally ill, the path is simply being labeled and exiled from society. With this in mind, a new path needs to be created, one where everyone is able to freely travel without the fear of fitting in, or following sociocultural norms. The status quo involves many “contradictory directives”, or conflicting ideals that confuse women, and leave the mentally ill in a difficult place (Bell 27). For example, referencing what was said earlier, women are given the option of choosing celibacy or becoming involved in the hookup culture which is becoming increasingly prevalent. The latter is the choice that often leaves women more confused than simply conforming to the customs in place. Bell references this when she says, “Psychoanalytic theories help us to understand why women, with the best and clearest of intentions, may unconsciously undermine their ability to reach their goals (28). In other words, there is meaning in symptoms that may appear to be crazy and irrational. Women who rebel against traditional norms may appear negatively to those who are used to the status quo; however giving the necessary freedom they deserve to live a liberating lifestyle is important in