Senor Ramon

Thank you for sharing the next installment of your novel with me. The scene of Isabella’s first sexual encounter with Senor Ramon was well done and captured the wide range of emotions that Isabella feels throughout the scene. The anticipation was drawn out well and the attention to detail from Isabella’s makeup to the room to the articles of clothing of both of them were in was placed nicely as the rest of the chapter read with a controlled sense of suspension leading up to the act. One could feel the sensual moments, the uncomfortable, the scared, and the resigned. The descriptions and Isabella’s interiority leading up to the encounter were brought out well in the moment with Senora Rioja and the Italian flashbacks. I especially felt the lines, “She imagined that each of those creases was a story in itself, and she was sure by the time she was however old the Senora now was, she too would have eyes decorated

There’s room for specific details such as some of what Julio’s preferences are in pages 2. They don’t have to be spelled out one by one, but perhaps some choice words or words that Isabella is not used to hearing in this situation could build more intrigue into the encounter and what kind of person Senor Ramon is. The brothel in Italy on page 3 seems a bit too relaxed than what a conventional brothel would seem like. It reads as if Isabella was able to come and go as she pleases. If that is the intention, then it came across well. Also, in the ensuing meetings with Senor Ramon, does Isabella learn anything new about him, about his life outside of the brothel? It would be a good time in that summary to bring some small details out. A story by Mary Gaitskill in Bad Behavior came to mind while reading called, “Something Nice” where the encounter of a patron at a brothel, albeit different, brings out threads of his life whether through conversation or observation. Good work and I look forward to your next