Sex Lies And Conversation By Deborah Tannen

At least once a week I catch myself asking my husband, “Were you listening to me?” It’s hard to tell if he is ever listening to me when I talk to him even though his answer is always, “Yes I’m listening” ‘I’ve never truly believed him until I read, “Sex, Lies and Conversation; Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” by Deborah Tannen. In her article she was able to highlight several important variances between men and woman, including how they grow up differently as children, how they listen to one another, and even how they argue. Every arguments starts with the lack of communication in a relationship. Men and women interpret communication in different ways which makes it a challenge to understand each other. Neither way

It’s something every marriage faces now and day. As well as myself it’s something I face in my own marriage. We get into arguments over the simple items and it’s because of the lack of communication. First offenders are easily looked away to avoid conflict, but then the incident keeps occurring and at this point it becomes frustrating. Women usually expect for their spouse to know what they like and what they don’t. That’s when the arguments start and it could all been avoided if the communication would have been there since the beginning. In Tannen article she speaks about a young couple in which every time the woman tried to speak to her boyfriend he reaction was to lay down and cover his eyes. In the meantime the woman would get upset because she believe he was not given her the importance she deserved. It reality they were creating a hostile environment because of the lack of communication on how each one interpreted deep conversations. He would do this motion to avoid being distracted with anything around him, while she understood it as being ignored because she was looking for face to face interaction. If they both would have talked from the beginning about how each one interpreted deep conversations they both would have realize what each one was looking for when conversing and will had avoided many arguments. Once he understood the importance of

Now in days with the divorce rates so high the lack of communication plays a huge role on how we can start decreasing it. It’s hard to keep a relationships going when there’s no communication. Men and woman usually start to blame each other because of their problem in which lead to divorce but the source of the problem was their own knowledge on how to understand each other needs when communicating. Woman are used to having a different way of communication with her peers and it’s hard for them to think that they can’t talk to her husband the same way they would talk to their girlfriends. Then a man thinks he can use the same methods he uses when talking to his friends when he’s speaking to his wife. Each one needs to find comprise and give in to each other’s way of communicating. Unfortunately the problem we have today is neither one knows what their partner is looking for when communicating. When both parties are able to understand each other needs they will see it as a “cross-cultural communication…to understand the problem and forge solutions without blaming either party” (Tannen 1990). Once they can see each other interpretation of being understood they can open a new chapter in their life they can move on to the next step in their