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Sex Lies And Conversation Deborah Tannen Summary

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Recommended: Communication and its effect

Sex, Lies, and Conversation continues Deborah Tannen discussion on the communication between men and women; to be specific, it was written because of the response to a chapter in her book “That’s Not What I Meant!” As stated in the background, “She realized the chapter might raise some controversy.” She did not want her work to be used to: “Malign men or to put women at a disadvantage.”
While addressing a women’s group, a night where men were invited to join, there was one man that caught her attention; he was very talkative and his wife was silent. When it was brought to his attention he tried to express that his wife was the talker in the family; there was laughter in the room, and he got embarrassed. The point to the story was that men speak more in public and women more at home. Deborah found that …show more content…

One of the behaviors that she observed was that females both girls and women gave more direct and emotional attention during conversations. The study was female to female conversations versus male to male; for boys and men, while they claim that they were paying attention they did not have the emotional and physical connections of their female counterparts; the physical connection Deborah noticed was mainly eye contact. The second additional behavior was verbal acknowledgment; women gave verbal sounds so that the speaker could not only see their attentiveness but also hear it.
Deborah Tannen research on “cross-cultural communications” focused on communications; she points out the importance of communication not just putting the blame on the man or the women. The result is that once the problem has been acknowledge and understood there is a chance for improvement. The result of her work helps men and women accept their differences; if differences are unable to be resolved the couples have a better understanding of each

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“But What Do You Mean” Relating to Society The question, “why do men and women so often communicate badly, if at all?” Has influenced and motivated Tannen. In “But What Do You Mean” by Deborah Tannen, she discusses many areas of difficulty in communication between men and women. Tannen’s purpose was for her readers to understand the importance of communication, she also has identified several ways in which men and women miscommunicate, and she has taught her readers a few things about our society and how it can be improved.

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