After befriending a young neighborhood boy, an entrenched gang leader struggles to be a role model as he seeks revenge against a rival gang leading to a brutal gang war. BRIEF SYNOPSIS ROLAND (30’s, Puerto Rican) is an entrenched gang member, whose life is interrupted by a young neighbor boy, EDDIE (8), who looks up to Roland as a role model. They form an unlikely friendship. When one of Roland’s gang members is killed, Roland seeks revenge and kills ANGEL DIAZ. This ignites a gang war. Angel’s brother, JUAN DIAZ vows revenge. When Roland’s best friend and gang member SANTO celebrates his wedding to CANDI, Juan’s gang open fires at the wedding killing Candi and her young son. Santo spirals downward into a drug crazed depression. Roland …show more content…
It tells Eddie how much he cares for him. Eddie was like a son to Roland. Roland leaves a surprise for Eddie. It’s hidden money and tickets to a baseball game. STORY COMMENTS SECRET CITY is inspired by true events. The story presents as a dramatic crime thriller. The plot focuses on the rivalry between two gangs. The story is driven by the need for revenge and justice. Stories about gangs have been told before. They can be compelling, but to be successful these types of stories really need to find an original hook. In the current presentation it would benefit the story to try and find that hook that makes this story stand out from others. Even though it’s inspired by real events, unfortunately, that’s not enough. One can try and make the argument that Roland’s relationship with young Eddie gives the story a unique point of view, but as structured this doesn’t really make the story feel unique. The areas to discuss include the structure, the pace, and some story choices, including the protagonist and the …show more content…
The concern is that this scene isn’t well connected to the rest of the script. It’s not until the end that one learns that Freddie is related to Juan (page 123). In addition, the detective saying, “Holy shit! That’s Freddie Rivera,” sound overly dramatic and has no meaning for the audience. One is wondering who’s Freddie Rivera. The first act introduces Roland, who appears to be the protagonist. It’s his goal of revenge that drives the plot. The first act establishes his relationship with young Eddie. They do develop nice buddy chemistry with each other. Eddie is an engaging, curious boy and it’s easy to like him. There’s a solid inciting event when one of Roland’s crew is murdered. This sets up a chain of revenge, which spirals out of control and eventually takes the life of a bride and her young son. The concern is that it’s really risky to have a child killed, especially in gun violence. This could dissuade some producers. There’s a taboo about killing children unless the story focuses on the