Should The Memoir 'Name All The Animals' By Alison Smith

Alison Smith’s memoir- Name All the Animals details the aftermath of the tragic death of her brother, Roy. The memoir highlights Smith’s struggle to define herself in the midst of dealing with her own sense of loss, the pressures of adolescence, and her dysfunctional family. In attempts to define herself, Smith questions several fundamental elements in her life, such as her faith and her own sexual identity.. Realizing that her answers differed from those around her, Smith had to make a decision to no longer play Kremlin. Thus, leading her to challenge not only god but her family’s rule to play hush. After Roy’s death, Smith challenged her faith and concluded that she no longer believed in God. Thus, challenging a fundamental view

Smith began to question why she lost faith and could no longer hear God’s voice like everyone else. Throughout her life Smith had been told that “One could sin without ever discovering what one had done or why it was wrong”(63), consequently, leaving her to wonder what sin she could have possibly committed to make God leave and take Roy with him. For Smith, “losing your faith in a world where God is all around you is a precarious business”(63). Smith looked for God when she needed him most but, he was nowhere to be found. Subsequently, Smith desperately clung onto the memory of the brother she lost. So much so, that Smith developed an unhealthy obsession in bringing her brother back. She began to bring food to her deceased brother, proclaiming that, “the ritual of it, the deep satisfaction [...] felt from taking my own nourishment and serving it up to memory, to my dead brother, sustained me”. Sacrificing food, nourishment, and health to her late brother offered Smith a feeling of connection with her brother. It also allows Smith to

Anorexia gifted Smith with an ability to control what she ate in a world that force-fed her such mendacities granted feelings of satisfaction- it “sustained” her. These falsehoods: God is real, God will give you whatever you ask for, lesbians will burn in hell, and denial of any hurtful truth by her mother- ate away at Smith's soul. Leaving her in a world of fundamental dishonesty. Furthermore, her mother’s perennial idiosyncrasies- how she constantly played “Kremlin”: a defense mechanism in which she disregarded problems- became a paramount impediment in Smith’s healing process. But, it crystallized Smith’s undeniable covet for the truth. This is evident when Smith to proclaim that “ I wanted to stop playing Kremlin, to stop hiding and waiting and biting my tongue. I wanted to tell them everything. [...] we will tell each other all our secrets [...] we will return to the beginning, to the Garden of Eden, where Adam first named every living thing, every plant and animal God gave him”(302). This illustrates Smith’s burning desire to go against the family rule of keeping quiet. She wants nothing more than to name all the