RECOMMENDATION: 2 out of 10. Lacks focus to be considered.
CONCEPT: A period piece about a paint company tycoon fall from grace with a twist of a love triangle.
LOGLINE: A paint tycoon tries to save his business while his daughters fall in love with the same man.
PLOT: Two families are headed on a collusion course that will change each of them forever. Silas Lapham is concerned about saving his painting empire while his daughter pine over his new associate. A former partner of Silas forces him to make a bad business decision out of guilt and to please his wife. While his business crumbles in front of him his daughter, Irene, falls for Tom, but Tom is in love with the older daughter Penelope. Silas tells a war tale during dinner between the families. Silas explains that a good friend saved his life during a battle. This moment changes the store and leads to a scandal that Silas has been supporting the dead friend’s family for years. In the end, Lapham family moves to the farm and sell their newly built home. Tom tells Penelope how he feels about her and Irene becomes depressed. Nothing is settled in the end, except that Silas loses his paint empire.
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They don’t know what they want except forPenelope Lapham and her mother. They are the only characters that create any kind of conflict in the script. They know who they are and know what they want. There are too many character’s in the is script. It’s hard to keep track of them all.
DIALOGUE: Too long, but it does reveal the inner character to the audience. There are better ways to share the characters wants and needs through action. Action always is more compelling the talking. The dialogue slows down the pace of the story. It should be compact and help move the story forward. It’s hard to figure out what character is talking during a scene. The all talk in the same way.
PACE: Slow to boring dramatic