The Onion Satire

Today’s teenagers – aged 8 to 18 – spend more than 7 ½ hours daily consuming media according to a 2010 study controlled by the Kaiser Family Foundation (Ahuja). According to the video “Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized,” by The Onion News Network, extended exposure of screen time could possibly lead to a decrease in brain functions, as one family knows too well. The Onion, a satirical news organization, sits down with Teagart family to discuss their decision to euthanize their daughter Caitlin, who is no longer capable of anything more taxing than sighing and rolling her eyes. This video uses “ironic iconicity” to illustrate the way today’s youth has become so obsessed with technology to the point where

Waisanen argues, “…ONN’s moral judgments help stabilize the ironic commentary in these videos, resisting the completely open interpretations for which many ironic texts are often critiqued” (Waisanen). There is no question what The Onion is saying in the chosen video. The video does nothing to convince the audience that euthanizing a teenage girl because she spends too much time on her phone is a joke. Despite their straightforward approach and hyperreal newsroom, there is a sense of irony in the video. The euthanasia opposition protestors carry signs proclaiming, “If she can sigh, she’s alive!” and “Caitlin’s not brain-dead, she’s just an idiot.” Dr. DeBacker, when referring to Caitlin’s brain synapses, says the phrase, “…her mother bursting into her room, even though there is a little thing called privacy.” Molly Teagart even comments on her daughter’s “piss poor attitude.” The video itself ends with an announcement for a later segment, which claims a study done by the Centers for Disease Control found that harmful level of second hand stupidity affects over one million children in their own homes. Each of these statements exemplifies an air of unprofessionalism and a lack of decorum that would not be present on a real news broadcast. Media censorship would guarantee that any offensive signs not be shown on camera. Interviewers practice questions and responses, before the cameras start recording, ensuring that the audience hears only what the media wants them to

The article also provides several examples of children using their phones during family dinners and using more than their allotted data for the month, raising the cost of the phone bill. Other solutions include taking the phone away during meal times or setting the phone to shut off between certain hours. While Brown’s method may seem extreme, when compared to ending your child’s life, it is a rather tame idea. The article says that the best advice for parents is to not punish their children with the technology, but embrace it. The concept comes from Sandra Bond Chapman, founder and chief director of the Center for Brain Health at the University of Texas at Dallas and author of the book "Make Your Brain Smarter." Any of the solutions the article presents are infinitely better solutions to curving a cell phone addiction than having your child put down like a sick