The Social Regulation Of Grief By Martha Fowlkes

In 2018, I was introduced to Ethan by mutual friends. At first, we didn’t get along. He was annoying and frustrating and had no respect for anyone’s time. I had no idea how my friends were friends with him. Over the next six months, he became tolerable, then friendly, then my best friend. Soon enough, we dipped into the ‘more than friends’ pool, and became completely dependent on one another. The term I like to use is ‘Situationship’. I want it to be known that it wasn’t perfect by any definition. He broke our plans for a text message from one of his cool friends. He was emotionally manipulative and a lot of fun. He would talk about other girls to my face, but became upset with me when I was friends with other guys. Some of my closest girlfriends

In this scenario, I am discussing the loss of a relationship/friendship. Since my relationship with Ethan was never distinctly defined, my grief was met with a lot of judgment. People were very confused why I was so upset since he was never my boyfriend. The lack of a label telling everyone how close we were, made it impossible for anyone to understand why I was so upset. Furthermore, in The Social Regulation of Grief, Martha Fowlkes discusses how grief for a stigmatized relationship or death is devalued (1990). The main comment people had on my relationship with Ethan was that he wasn’t good enough for me. To some, that meant intellectually, and to others, it meant physically. Our ‘situation’ was negatively viewed by the people around us, so my grief was

There wasn’t a stigma attached to it in the same way as there is a stigma attached to someone dying by suicide, as mentioned in Oppression of the Bereaved (Harris, 2010). However, I still think that our relationship was stigmatized because people thought we didn’t look like we belonged together. That stigma seeped into reactions to my grief, which is why I was told by multiple people that I could do better because I’m prettier or smarter than he is. Personally, I never understood why others thought this was a comforting statement. It just made me feel like I was alone and I had bad taste. Honestly, it was just salt in the