The Things I Carry Is Important To Me

My full name is Lexi Jade Renee Rodriguez Padilla and I am fifteen years old. I carry a lot of things in all areas including baggage in the physical, mental, and emotional departments. The things that I carry does help to shape the person I am but it is still up to me to decide what I want to carry. With that in mind I 'll start by explaining the physical things I carry.

In my backpack or bag or whatever is with me I carry just about anything you could ever possibly need. My friends refer to me as over prepared. although this is true it is not a bad thing due to the fact that I am always ready for anything that life would throw at me. I always carry everything from a mini first aid kit to a toothbrush because you never know if I might need

There are many things that I carry emotionally fear, sadness, joy, anger. The biggest or should I say the heaviest thing I carry is something that is not easy to say or write about, it is something that I would only deny if you ever confronted me about it. This thing is overwhelming and at times can even be hidden with other emotions this thing I carry is hate. More specifically self- hatred. I hate myself. This is what shapes who I am because I compare myself to others, I never feel good enough, and I constantly doubt myself. And I don 't know why. Well part of the reason is because I see myself as a fat, ugly, and stupid person. This is mostly because I have issues with body image but I am getting better. I used to stop eating for long periods of time, then I would binge eat which would ultimately end in me purging. But I 've gotten my life back on track for the most part I 've stopped those eating habits and I 've started a better, healthier health plan. Self hatred is deep rooted and I don 't know if I will ever get over it. All I know is that I will not let this take over my life. Though this does shape a part of who I am I will only let it make me a stronger person not a

I have always carried many burdens and will only continue to carry them. I know my burdens might not seem like much, but they are big to me. I don 't know if I 'll ever feel the relief of all the weight on my shoulders, but maybe just maybe I 'll learn to manage it. We all carry things that we wish to keep to ourselves. Although none of us deserve to carry the burdens life gives us, we have to continue to carry them because that 's just how life is. What we carry does not define you as a person what defines you as a person is how you carry yourself. Just because you have to carry all this weight does not mean you have to be another burden to yourself. Life will only continue to add more and more for you to carry and it is up to you to choose to carry them in a way that proves to yourself that you are worth it. I will always carry the weight of hate in my life that on some days will be my demise, but if I can see the true beauty in myself and realize there is nothing to hate about myself I will start to carry self worth, and let me tell you self worth is much lighter on my back