Kelsey,
I think you have chosen a great topic, and I enjoyed reading your rough draft very much. I thought the piece was very informative about thyroid complications, symptoms, and treatments. I just wanted to run a few things by you that I had noticed while going over the paper, and I hope they help you toward completing your final draft.
While reading, I did not notice a clear arguable thesis statement in the introduction. However, the paragraphs were well written, informative, and easy to follow. I would suggest finding a few timelier sources, as I need to do the same for my paper. I did not notice I had so many that were more than five or even eight years old. I also did not see opposing perspectives throughout the piece. I could tell while reading that you felt deeply about what you were writing, and it
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I also had a few suggestions for a couple sentences, I hope will help too:
1. When it came time to write a research paper for this class, I knew I wanted my topic to be on something beneficial to my personal life.
2. So, instead of choosing a random non-relatable topic, I knew there were few things in my life that I have wanted to learn more about.
3. I was recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and it has really affected my life in more ways than one.
4. When it isn’t functioning correctly, then it can cause thyroid disease.
5. In most cases, up to 60% of the population who have thyroid disease are not even aware of it.
6. Before I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism I was gaining weight uncontrollably; I had very dry skin, my hair was falling out, I was exhausted all the time even after sleeping for 12 hours