Wrestling with Angels: Reconciling Who I Am with My Fundamentalist Roots
The human experience inevitably includes the struggle to overcome obstacles. At some point in life, everyone faces crises, whether financial, spiritual, mental, physical, or social. My struggle came from within. When I was seven, my parents divorced. My mom had an affair with my dad’s best friend and became pregnant. Not long after the divorce, my mom and step-dad married, and to redeem themselves, they immersed the family in a life that revolved around a new-found church that overflowed with rules. We attended church every time the doors were open, we enrolled in a Christian school, and we studied the Bible at home. We also gave up “worldly” activities such as listening to
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I would be lonely, meet someone, and then break up with them after a month because I was paranoid that I was living “the lifestyle”. I could not erase the thought that my relationships were sinful. Unfortunately, this unhealthy cycle continued for many years. No one seemed good enough because I was not good enough. At twenty-five, I moved to Columbus, and at one point, my parents decided to drive up to visit me. I was living with a guy, and we decided to cook dinner for them. It was an awful night. Even though my mom was polite, I could see the strain across her face. She was very uncomfortable. This was the first and last time they visited me. Dear Jeff,
I’m sorry I’ve taken so long to answer your letters, but it is difficult to write or say what I really feel. I have not been able to accept your choice of lifestyle. I think the world has made it look so right and people accept it. But to make it ok, you would have to cut out several verses in the Bible, and I don’t believe we can do that. It is hard for me to come visit you when you are living with some guy. It goes against the grain.
-Justine