Asexuality In 'It´s Not You, It's Me'

“It’s Not You, It’s Me”

There are many sexual orientations: heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexual, etc. However, there is one orientation that is almost invisible. Asexuality. In the United State alone, there are over three million people (1%) who are identified as asexual. Asexual is defined by the LGBT center of UNC as “a term used to describe individuals who do not experience sexual attraction toward any gender.”

Despite the almost non- existent amount of identified asexuals, there are plenty of them, some that you may have already encountered, who are “closeted” (people who have not disclosed their sexual orientation, etc.) or are unaware that such an orientation exists. Since asexuality is not widely known, there are some cases

People find the idea of not wanting to have sexual intercourse more interesting than what asexuality means to Aces; they don’t care about what we are attracted to compared to what we are or aren’t doing. Anything that doesn’t follow the norm of being straight makes us deviant and we are immediately criticized. Aces are often told “that doesn’t exist,” or “it’s just a phase.” Or “you won’t know unless you try it” and “ you just haven’t found the right person.” These remarks against asexuality when coming out push Aces back into “the closet,” making them feel more insecure than ever and pressurizing us to change our orientation. And even if we eventually do have sexual intercourse and don’t like it, we would just be told that we did it wrong or we chose the wrong

We just aren’t attracted to people sexually. We are not speaking up for validation for the right to just not have sex.

Asexuality is not a disorder, physical condition, or hormonal imbalance. Aces don’t have low libido (but it does depend on the person just like in any other sexual orientation). It doesn’t need to be “cured.”

It is also not to be confused with asexual reproduction, as many would jokingly suggest; and it is also not abstinence or celibacy. The result of an Ace is misunderstood and thought to be a fear response from a bad relationship, or even worse, abuse or rape. Neither of these scenarios are the case.

These misconceptions make aces uncomfortable about coming out as a result of being tired of being asked questions about their lack of sexual life. We are alienated from even LGBTs because they are too sex focused, making asexuality the loneliest orientation.

In the later future, asexuality will be more widely known. Different sexual orientations will later be supported and encouraged by the upcoming generations. Parents will be knowledgeable of all orientations and will be able to help or guide their children, avoiding inner conflicts. At the moment, it is important to associate yourself with open minded people who will tell you that “all I want if for you to be happy.” Until then, one must draw boundaries as to what kind of experiences we invite into our