Ben Johnson's Five Stages Of Grief

In Ben Johnson’s “On My First Son” and Katherine Philip’s “On the Death of My First and Dearest Child, Hector Philips” we see multiple aspects of Kubler-Ross’s “Five Stages of Grief” resonating in the diction used by each poet.

Johnson uses the mechanism of bargaining to help him cope with the guilt he feels towards his son’s passing. He states that his “sin was too much hope of thee” connecting his high expectations of life with his son’s untimely death. He considers the thought of it being dangerous to love something too much, too fast. Johnsons believes his son was “lent” to him. He is justifying his pain by using his lack of authority over Heaven to convince himself that there was nothing he could do. Lending is often referred to as borrowing

Johnson’s language associated with trading and money such as “lent”, “pay”, and “lose” portrays a lack of life his son had even when he was alive. This is Johnson grieving in the form of bargaining, making it easier for him to separate himself from the tragedy. He is moving his mind from one state of loss to another (Kubler-ross) in the attempt to soften the blow of his son’s death. Johnsons uses bargaining as a way to piece together what has happened and try to convince himself he knows why/ has an explanation as to why it had to happen. Johnson asks himself why he “lament(s) the state he should envy”. He tries to reason with his grieving mind that his son is in a better place than anyone alive, including himself, who is trapped and suffering in “world’s and flesh’s rage”. (he makes it seem like everyone else is suffering, takes some grief off of himself, making it easier to deal with if it’s not all weighing down on him). At the end of the poem Johnson makes a vow to never get too attached to something or someone he loves because he knows that they will eventually be taken away from him. Because he can’t control what has happened in the past, he bargains with himself that he will learn for the

Much like Johnson she sees her son as deserving more than this world can give to them. This helps the poet justify as to why “he dropped away”. She possess guilt, believing that she had an influence on his passing. She “did but see him, and he disappeared,” she “did but touch the rosebud, and it fell”. Philips feels as if she is at fault for her Hector’s demise because of her strong admiration, leading her to believe that she was being selfish in her love for her son. Much like Johnson, she uses this emotion to take her attention off of the fact that her son is gone. Philips focuses on past actions and feelings as a way to derive her attention elsewhere than the tragedy that has already passed. Even towards the end of her poem, she addresses her son as if he is still alive and can communicate with her (and now sweet babe). In Kubler Ross’s staes of grief, bargaining is also accompanied with the wonder of what will happen to the individual suffering most from the loss. Philips questions, “what can my trembling heart suggest to right my doleful fate”. Again, she strays away from the current stress of her son’s death by worrying about her own state of life from here on