There was once was a peasant named Alan who was forced to go into town to pick up some goods for his wife. As Alan walked through the forest on his way to town he thought about leaving his wife for another women, someone prettier and more benevolent, for you see, Alan’s wife, Grishilde was truly a beast of a woman, she was as large as a hippopotamus and as furious as a wild boar, she was so consumed with rage and hate that she was literally blind with rage.
Alan was a lustful man who often thought about leaving his wife behind to become a pimp. But sadly Alan couldn't leave his wife because to compensate for her blindness Grishilde had a sense of smell that rivaled that of any hunting hound, and Alan wore a unique scent of cologne that Grishilde
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Alan, who was then disguised as the famous archer, sprinted deeper into the forest, eager to find the lusty maidens he had been promised. Meanwhile John covered himself in Alan’s cologne and headed to Alan’s cottage, hoping that his troubles would soon be over.
Alan quickly ran into the 3 maidens, and he was not disappointed, each maiden was more beautiful than the last, they had long flowing golden hair that went down to their backs, and each maiden was well endowed, more than Alan had ever imagined even in his most lustful of dreams.
“There you are!” Exclaimed the maidens, gleefully. “Now that we’ve found you, you must prove your archery skills before you can partake of us.”
“What, archery feats must I perform?” stammered Alan, Alan had no archery skills, and was about to pass out from the lusty fantasies overtaking his mind.
Plucking 3 apples from a nearby tree and tucking them in between their bosoms the maidens said “You must first shoot 3 apples from betwixt our breasts.
Alan tried to protest and said, “But ladies, this is all a waste of time, as you can see,” gesturing towards the hat and bow, “I am John the great
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Meanwhile, John had reached the cottage only to find Alan’s beast of a wife, Grishilde. As John entered the house Grishilde sniffed the air and bellowed, “Alan, Alan, is that you!? Get over here and rub my feet, and scrape the barnacles off of my back.”
John, horrified by the monstrous abomination that Alan had called a wife, John shuddered in disgust and fear, he took one look at Grishilde and proclaimed, “Begone from me foul wench, I was better off with the accursed maidens that I escaped from!” And then he ran out the door back towards the woods to trade places with Alan again.
Grishilde outraged with John’s cruel but justified words, chased after him with the fury of a raging bull, and crashed through the front the door and knocked down entire trees in her pursuit after John.
Meanwhile, Alan, opened his eyes, astonished, he couldn't believe that he had actually shot the arrow through the apples without hitting any of the