Darrake Rooms: A Fictional Narrative

Narrative Essay #1 Draft #1

TAB“Close your eyes, Close them I said close them!” …. Rocky they called him… Big Rocky. He had me at gunpoint in a suspicious darrake room where nobody was to be seen for miles as it -awkward sentence change use of seem seemed like the walls were never ending.reword this sentence it is very awkward The only light was the big light they use during police interrogations, this light was lit up on my sweat drenched face.describe don’t tell In a matter of seconds a large shadow had casted over me. The shadow kept growing in size,until this shadow came to life…. good idea to use a flashback
It was an average day for me and my friends. We were about to gather up friends at our monthly get together down at Darrell's

As I walked faster to catch up to my friends I saw something move out of the bushes in the corner of my eye I quickly ran to Jake and Mike and overheard them talking about this pathway and calling it “Rocky’s Road” and mentioning that they were some sort of group of people who beat up anybody who crosses through the path, I didn’t really care about all of this superstitious stuff at the time but once we came to the end of the path there was something else planned other than the Bowling Alley.this run on sentence needs work!!!Three boysshift in POV were blocking our path with baseball bats and a big black bag I thought to myself “wWe don’t have a bBaseball dDiamond near our town.this story is changing really fast and not in any direction To add to the equation it's not even garbage day, so why do they have a bag?”this is not making any sense As Jake was about to confront these people Mike fainted in shock. That left only me and Jake to deal with these boys.

Jake was about to say something, but in an instant one of the boys flung his bat into the air and hit Jake.with his fist? Right in the jaw he hit Jake and in a matter of a seconds I was out cold! describe don’t tell“Three strikes and we were out!” cliche don’t use

I heard nothing except for sirens ringing in the distance. The sirens gradually got louder and louder “Wee-Woo-Wee-Woo” until they stopped in front of the building where I was all alone. The door was smashed on by these people in black suits. He said his name was Rocky and he asked me where his “boys” were. I didn’t know so I did not respond. Rocky slipped out his gun from his holster in his belt and pinned it to my temple. I instantly froze.describe don’t tell I didn't know what I got myself into.but weren’t you knock out and kidnapped? As He kept repeating the question I told myself “close your eyes - close your eyes” My mind was boggled so I didn't know what to do. Soon the windows were cracked in and five police officers in their uniforms came and circled around me and Rocky. the police told him to step away from me and to drop the gun and so he did. this story need to linear thinking
The Police had put him under arrest and told me I was free to go to my friends who were eagerly waiting for me to return safely. I asked them who called for help and why Mike wasn’t hurt at all. Mike said that he faked having to fall and faint. That meant the boys didn't take him away. While we were being hauled away in the van he quickly noted the license plate number “503-HUR” Mike said with an accomplished