Emily's Ambivalence: A Personal Analysis

While I rarely have all positive or all negative feelings about any person in my life, I do have conflicting feelings towards certain people, one of whom is my stepsister, Emily. Emily and I were close friends throughout elementary school, before our parents ever met, as we are the same age and were in the same class in grade school. When we were 10 years old, our parents married and we became stepsisters. At the time, I was ecstatic; my friend was now my stepsister! However, the change in dynamics from blending together into a family made our relationship more difficult than either of us anticipated. We have both always taken academics seriously, and soon we were in perpetual competition. In retrospect, I realize there was no other way to

When we were growing up, Emily was the quiet introvert, and I was the outspoken extrovert. Now, although Emily is much less introverted, she still has difficulty with communication. She calls herself “phone-anxious,” as she avoids using a phone as much as possible, sometimes resulting in her family not hearing from her for months on end. Emily loves traveling, and considers herself very independent; she took a year off between high school and college to travel throughout Asia. Emily currently attends Reed College in Oregon, where she majors in religion. She is not a religious person herself, but enjoys the study of comparative religions around the world. She has unique interests, as she is applying for the Thomas J. Watson fellowship so she can study sacred song religious communities in Asia. Emily is very much an intellectual and eventually would like to be a religious studies professor. Emily also considers herself a feminist, preferring to read books with female protagonists and watch movies directed by women. She is firm in her beliefs and will argue for those beliefs at every chance she gets, sometimes resulting in an extremely judgmental

We grew up together, and were always competing and comparing ourselves to one another. So, when we talk now, old feelings can resurface and cloud my ability to take an objective stance in the interaction. Even now, as our relationship becomes more positive for me, I still begin any discussion with her on a superficial level. My inclination to hold back from discussing anything of substance, such as my feelings, with her is influenced by our history, less because of feeling judged, and more because Emily has always been the one in the family that does not talk about her feelings or communicate with anyone; I have always been the complete