I really didn't find much wrong with this piece. I would have just wrote a comment, but I did find a few pointers that could help, a little. Also, you were asking for eyes, and I can do that.
Since your not in a spotlight I'm not hurting that so, here goes.
It was one of those rare, perfect summer afternoons where the sun shines down from a cloudless sky. The two women sat across from each other in front of the window, open to allow the gentle breeze in the room. The younger of the two was a girl in her early twenties with fair hair and a slightly receding chin. She sat on the edge of the armchair grasping a pair of lavender gloves, an anxious expression in her pale eyes. The other woman was several decades older as attested to by the
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Mrs. Fairweather noticed with amusement the Worcester tea set, a gift from her late mother-in-law that usually only left the cupboard on formal occasions. Clearly Cecilia had Barnes’s approval, a sentiment he didn’t bestow lightly.
She poured the tea and as soon as Barnes left Cecilia resumed her tale. “ I don’t think you ever met Jane, Aunt Emily. She’s the daughter of my mother’s cousin Katherine Landon, and we actually never had much contact up to this last year, but mother and Cousin Katherine are quite close and write to each other frequently.” She leaned over to add a lump of sugar to her tea and Mrs. Fairweather shuddered discreetly. shuddered over sugar?
“Jane’s father died about a year ago, quite unexpectedly, and it came to light, after his death, that he had made some very bad investments. I don’t know details, but the result was that he lost a lot of money. Mother thinks it was the money problems that brought the heart attack about.” Cecilia waved this consideration aside. “But this doesn’t have anything to do with the other problem, although it’s what started it all. You see, they had to sell Barrow Hall, poor things. Not that they lost everything - there was enough left to buy a smaller place and live on a comfortable income, according to Cousin Katherine. But you can imagine the shock this was for them, and mother gathered from Cousin Katherine’s letters that Jane took it particularly hard. So when Cousin Katherine decided to go and visit some family up north, she invited Jane to spend the summer with