Hello Roua,
I’ll just jump into it: I misjudged you and was idiotically letting my father influence me; I should’ve thought independently and looked at the facts for myself. As a child, I saw you as a half sister who wasn’t a legitimate part of the family but you saw me as your little brother, regardless of who’s son I was. You took me in, made me your endeared brother and cared for me, but I always showed you the worst side of me with contempt; showed me love & care but I only replied with hate & spite—even said I didn’t love you. But despite that, in the summer of 2014, you sent me a loving sincere message but I replied in the ugliest way possible. Back then my judgment and brainpower was weak, but now I realize the weight of the words I had
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No ill intentions but a pursuit for a better life for all of us, as you and mom had envisioned. I don’t hold ill feelings towards you for what’s recently happened...because you are a better older sibling than I could ever be. I realize the pain I’ve caused and the mistakes I’ve made, not just to you. I was sexist and unfair towards my sisters and mother, but that’s just an understatement—I was indeed a crappy brother and son, and I regret it. After thoroughly, extensively, and independently doing research on Islam I’ve learned a lot: that it’s haram to judge as I’ve judged you, haram to enforce woman to wear scarfs/cover up, and many more. Don’t get me wrong though, I don’t regret the things I’ve done because of religion. That point was only brought up to demonstrate how wrong my father’s interpretation of Islam was, and ultimately my mistake for blindly following it. As old as I am, I know how much of an asshole he can be; how dishonest he is—among many other things. I'm also aware of his many misdeeds, though not as aware as