I am thrilled that you want to keep working on the House on Dunbar Street, to get the words down, to weave a story and to write. There is joy in writing. When we pray and God uses us the feelings are incredible. I bet that 's what is happening with you.
I 've finished reviewing the manuscript and caught and commented on everything I think will help you. I 'll send you this memo as an email but also print a version when I send you the annotated, marked up manuscript. It will go into the mail tomorrow.
Here are some details.
Every time a character asks a question, the tag line includes the word asked. For instance: "Can I help you, Mama," Charlotte asked. You 've routinely used said in the tag line. This is an easy correction.
Punctuating dialogue can be a bit tricky and your assignment needs a tad of tweaking to be
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Near the end, it 's like everything is on fast forward, Marie. It 's like you just wanted to finish the book. I would look at scenes that are not necessary, such as the one with Mitzi being pregnant, and cut that out so you can elaborate more on the happy ending, see below.
Also, if there are scenes that do not truly contribute the book or help move the story along or define characters, cut 'em out. For instance, the lecherous mayor in his office when Mary C and Cordelia go there. And times when Beulah Mae is making food but the character doesn 't eat. Unless there 's a reason for the scene, it doesn 't need to be in the book.
Therefore, I think you need to, as in Gone with the Wind, have Daneon and Mary C look at each other at the climax and realized they 've made a mess of both their lives. Daneon can blame himself for being a silent man, like his silent and a womanizer like his father who put up with Cecily demands. For Mary C? She suffered from depression, PTSD and just didn 't know how to give and get love as she never had examples.
Imogene? She was just his comfort during all this, but his heart