Kipnis Against Love

In “Against Love”, Laura Kipnis discusses modern love and her definition of it. Kipnis argues how in today’s world our concept of love is based on subjugation and criticizes how our expectations of love today are surreal. She believes that expecting love from just one person for our whole life is against our basic human nature. Kipnis exclaims how ridiculous she finds that in today’s society, wanting more than one partner is looked down upon and shamed. She says loving one person for the rest of our lives is a rather modern concept that blossomed only after the 17th century with the growing trend of novels and poetry. She asserts how this love requires unreal amounts of effort for a relationship it to work, consequently making

Kipnis moves on to discuss the social malleability of love and relationships, blaming our culture for combining the thrills of romance with the longevity of relationships, and thus expecting affection and sex from just one individual for the span of your lifetime, exclaiming how to her it seems impossible. Consequently, both parties involved need to adjust and compromise, not just to their partner but also parts of themselves and their personality in order to make the relationship work, be happy and keep the passion

With interesting word play and great use of simile’s, she brings up the question of whether resisting sexual attractions to a third person for the greater pleasures of being monogamous is similar to “amputating a healthy limb” with the use of excessive anesthesia, yet always feeling the “phantom pain” (par 4). In order to defend her point of view, Kipnis argues that it is society that has convinced its citizens that betrayal or change of partner is utterly shameful, which makes the act of “self- mutilation” far more acceptable to the people. Kipnis humorously mocks how lack of desire resulting in failure to achieve sexual congress is now an unacceptable reason to look elsewhere for passion. As a result, couples are willing to go through “psychic retooling” (par 11) and change their thought process and lifestyle to help rekindle the dying flame of desire they once felt for their partner. Kipnis shams the same by comparing those people to “diligent assembly line workers” (par 11) that make love and sex seem like a hard day’s labor. In my opinion, couples that are willing to change in effort to make their relationship work do so out of love and the desire to be with the other for a lifetime, which may not be that awful a