The main driving factor of Koren’s alcohol abuse was her weak self-image and esteem. The patriarchal system she lived in reinforced her negative self-image, while her use of alcohol was reinforced through making her feel better about herself. Alcohol made Koren temporarily forget her self-hatred. It is clear from her memoir that she had self-hatred and body shame from her young adolescence onward. She “swilled vodka to flip over humiliating experiences” (Zailckas 264), however, her idea of humiliation is skewed. She lacks confidence in social situations, so for her, humiliation is common. Her lack of confidence stems from the fact that she has been taught that she needs to be perfectly feminine, yet strong and capable. For a girl, and even …show more content…
To her, being feminine means performing a number of contradictions, being “desirable and smart, soft and sturdy, emotional and capable” (Zailckas 18). Unfortunately, society’s definition of the perfect woman isn’t attainable. Koren seems to struggle most with being outgoing and social, she describes herself as “characteristically weak” (Zailckas 18) and meek. The alcohol she drinks makes her feel more bold and confident, making it addicting. She has social anxiety when sober. This is part of what makes it so difficult for Koren to quit drinking. She becomes “antisocial in [her] self-reform” (Zailckas 275), which feels …show more content…
Natalie’s strong personality was exemplified by the fact that she was the first friend to convince Koren to drink. Koren notes that “pressure doesn’t define Natalie” (Zailckas 8), however it is clear that Natalie’s strong influence over Koren as a role model and a friend was a factor in Koren deciding to take that first drink. Natalie was harsh and sometimes antagonistic, calling Koren from boarding school to make her “feel envious” (Zailckas 29). However, Koren respected her and even imitated her at