Later in the novel, after returning home from the internship, Esther's symptoms of depression worsen to the point where she cannot read, write or even sleep, following the rejection from her school’s summer writing program. While her symptoms were present during her time in New York, they worsen dramatically after news of not being accepted into a program she desperately wanted to be in during her next year of school. These symptoms of not being able to read or write, both hobbies she once desired, show a distinct lack of control over herself.
At this point in the novel, Esther’s desire for control becomes even more apparent considering the continuous loses she has faced. As Esther loses control of herself, specifically her handwriting, her ability to control her own
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Gordon right away, which leads her to reject help at this point—which she thinks is a method of gaining control, though she is really only hurting herself. She notices details that others might not have noticed and uses her perception of Dr. Gordon to shape how she proceeds during this appointment. For instance, she almost immediately believes that Dr. Gordon is conceited because of his family picture he keeps on his desk that almost faces the patient in his office, rather than himself. Esther also does not enjoy how he phrases the questions he asks, specifically, he asks her to “try and tell me what you think is wrong,” (TBJ, 129). Esther’s ability to dissect each facet of Dr. Gordon in a small amount of time shows her desire for control, in that she wants to be able to feel comfortable with the doctor she is with, but does not get this from Dr. Gordon. Esther does not allow for Dr. Gordon to have any control over interpreting her own personal narrative. She insists on not sharing her own story or narrative, but is able to decode the doctor’s easily through his objects in his office and the questions he asks