An elite game athlete’s chances for the championship are jeopardized when her father suffers a brain injury forcing her to move back home and care for him as she trains on her own.
BRIEF SYNOPSIS
LILA REEVES (21) is a hopeful elite game athlete her who lives in the shadow of her crusty father JIMMY REEVES (54) a former Olympic champion. Lila tells her father she’s moving out and taking a chance at winning the elite game championship.
Lila’s new life is shattered when Jimmy is in a terrible car accident that leaves him with brain trauma. He needs long-term care in a nursing home. He can’t speak or care for himself. The doctor doesn’t give Lila a lot of hope about Jimmy’s ability to recover.
Lila decides to move back into the family home. She takes over her father’s job as the janitor at the dog shelter.
Her father’s videotapes of his Olympic trainings and competitions inspire Lila. Lila decides
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The story works without these events.
In addition, the idea of the Chance Shelter (consider calling it Second Chance which fits with the theme of second chances) is introduced late in the structure (seems to first appear on page 42). Make sure to introduce the idea of the dog shelter earlier.
As for Ron, he’s created as the human antagonist, but it’s not a clear subplot and it doesn’t’ feel like it supports the main storyline. The idea of the pills, Lila going out with him, getting intoxicated, and then being abandoned, just doesn’t feel like it fits, and it acts as a distraction.
Consider focusing more on the backstory between the father and the daughter. There’s an implication that Jimmy drinks too much. Consider creating a backstory event that they need to resolve. Maybe it involves Lila’s mother. Eventually, they need to have a relationship arc over this event and then they find resolution. Remember, it’s a “love story” between father and