Personal Narrative: A Multi-Colored Bean Bag

A multi-colored bean bag goes up, and then it comes back down. And then another. Up and down. And then another. Up and down. The balls fly through the air with effortless rhythm and a faithful pattern. I can feel my heart beating. In this moment, I know I’m alive.

I was around ten years old when I first discovered my dad’s juggling balls. From the moment I picked the three round bean bags up I knew I needed master the mystic art of juggling. After endless hours of listlessly throwing the balls from one hand to the other in a pattern of “throw-throw, catch-catch,” and running after them when I failed at the second part of that pattern, I finally grasped how to juggle TWO balls. My little fifth-grader mind knew that although I would have to work

I was ecstatic. Not only did I already know how to juggle but my coach was encouraging me to do what I loved during practice. My elation was quickly shut down when my coach, noticing my lack of struggle, challenged me to learn how to juggle four balls in the week she was giving the rest of the team to figure out three. For months I had been trying to figure out four balls with no success. Although initially frightened at the daunting task ahead, I never want to back down from a challenge. I immediately got to work. In that week, I learned how to juggle four balls. The amount of determination I contributed to this task revealed the potential I had to accomplish tasks despite the level to which they had previously seemed

When I juggle, I get swept into the rhythm of the balls hitting my hands and being thrust upward again. In the midst of my off beat, hectic life I’m able to find solace in the regularity juggling brings to my body, reminding me that my heart still beats at a regular tempo. In a world where I am left totally out of control of my circumstances, juggling provides me with a semblance of control so I don’t freak out about not having it. As my interests and priorities have changed, I’ve stayed focused on working hard to accomplish my goals of being a good friend and volleyball player, making straight A’s, and following after all God has planned for me, but there are certain interests that have lost my attention. I recently learned how to juggle five balls, but I still can’t get very far until the pattern falls apart in a frenzy of objects. Through my physical juggling journey I’ve come to realize that the amount of control I feel I have in my life will only increase with experience and