Personal Narrative: Accepting My Sexuality

Interestingly enough, I have only recently started to accept my sexuality. I would say that I am someone who appreciates both genders. I have always thought both genders were beautiful and sexually appealing, but having grown up conservative, I viewed that part of me as sinful and something I had to control. I remember growing up and thinking that something was wrong with me and decided that I would never act upon my sexual desires for women. It did not help that in middle school and high school, being bisexual was considered a fad and something girls did to get attention. I refused to be stuck in those categories or simply branded a lesbian. I have dated exclusively men over the last 23 years of my life and never so much as kissed a girl.

I identify as bi-racial or multi-racial. It has never changed; I was always aware I was different from a majority of other kids born in the 90s. I grew up living with only my white family, what I knew of black people and culture for the longest time was the show Cops. I went a long time not really understanding what it meant to be half black. I did not really ever fit into one category. I went to an all-white school and I was the black/brown girl and then I went to an all-black school and I was the white/brown girl. I was never black enough to be fully accepted or white enough to not be reminded that I was not white. When I finally went to a more diverse school I was the “brown girl”. No one knew my race by just looking at me and often people thought I was Latina, Middle Eastern or East-Indian. I always seemed to be disappointing to people who wanted me to be something other than black. I can distinctly remember my grandmother telling me how lucky and pretty I was because I got all the “good features” meaning no big nose, lips or kinky

It seems like I have just explained many very intimate stories of who I am and to be honest, I am not sure I like it. However, I have done it and even though it may not be long enough I think it reflects very raw moments in my life. I have spent the last four years of undergrad being asked these exact same questions and after a while it becomes exhausting having to share so much of yourself with people you barely know. I know why I joined social work, and surprisingly it has less to do with the hard and difficult things that have happened in my life and more to do with the sweet moments that reminded me that I am innately human. Please understand I do not take my SES, ethnicity, orientation or gender for granted; nor do I think they lack an influence on why I am doing social work. However, it was more of the experiences with others that made me join this field than what has happened in my own life. These lens that have been created for me are key and second nature. Much like schemas, they organize my thoughts and give me insight to various situations. They have caused joy, frustration, anger and oppression; yet I am entirely grateful for them and how they affect my social