The Panic Attack
The squeezing, suffocating pain in my chest. The fear of being judged that kept slowly building. Building up, like a volcano before it explodes. The intensity of the anxiety in the body for the first time. Finally realizing what it really meant to have a panic attack.
The 4th time I had ever auditioned for a musical had been the most painful experience. But how could something that I loved cause me this? I loved acting and singing, how could singing and acting cause me so much pain?
When I was 14 in 8th grade, I had a choice of being in speech or being in the musical. I had already been in 3 musicals before this, so I knew the drill with auditioning. Know the song you have to sing. Pre-read the lines so you can be ready. Be
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My heart started to racing, I could tell I was sweating. I walked up the steps to get ready to sing, but as I was walking up the steps I started hearing these voices in my head saying don’t mess up Angela, you usually do with everything. Your not gonna be able to do it, but let’s see maybe they all can laugh at you. Don’t forget to breathe where you practiced. The voices kept going on and on, they kept only getting worse.
When I started to sing I had felt like there was an extreme pressure on my body. I had felt the cold wetness against my shirt to my skin. And then this turning, ugly, painful feeling in my gut. I thought I had messed up, which caused me to worry when I read lines with Sophia.
Sophia started to read her part to me, and she acted everything out, she even danced. I tried to dance with her hoping this would help. But I had messed up, only causing my fear and worry to get worse. The moment the director had said “Thank you”. I had known I was done.
At this point the fear turned into a huge amount of anxiety. I swiftly and fastly moved* down the steps and opened the door. While I stood against the wall. I started to shake. Then Rachel and Ava saw me. That is when I started to lose control even more, knowing that they are seeing me like