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Happy 55th Birthday Speech Analysis

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Henry; “Welcome to England and my humble throne room GOF.”

GOF; (Bowing deeply) “Thank you Your Majesty for granting this audience. May I also take this opportunity to wish you a Happy 55th Birthday.”

Henry; “Thank you GOF. You may. You may also sing it to me.” (Royal Chamber Quartet is summoned immediately and GOF sings Happy Birthday) “Now, what would you like to know young man? I am an open book.”

GOF; “I think readers back home would really like to know about all your wives. They have already heard about the wonderful work you did invading France and attempting to impose military taxes on everyone in England.”

Henry; (addressing Lurch the Gentleman of the Privy Chamber) “Please bring me the Royal Information Censor. I’m …show more content…

GOF; “And where is the Censor?”

Henry; “You’re looking at it GOF. Let the questioning begin.”

GOF; “You were only 12 when arrangements were made for you to marry the 17 year-old widow Catherine of Aragon. Do you remember how you were informed of this decision?”

Henry; “Woohoo! Yes. Vividly. I was just harvesting the first crop of facial bumfluff when my old man barged into the bathroom and said ‘Son, would you like to play around with perky Cathy for a while and keep her occupied until I can get permission from the Pope for you to marry …show more content…

I normally don’t read the newspapers, but the day after I got rid of Annie I noticed an advertisement in the personal columns of the Tudor Times.”

‘Catherine H., 19, vast experience since age 15 with Mannox the music teacher, Dercham the Gentleman Usher to the Dowager Duchess of Norfolk and a few other dudes, seeks good times and marriage to any fat, hairy, unsanitary and tyrannical old King.’

GOF; “Didn’t you find that extremely disrespectful?”

Henry; “Royal Horniness forgives a multitude of commoner deficiencies GOF, as you unfortunately will never discover.”

“What it did not forgive however was extracurricular bonking between my Queen and her randy little relative,Thomas Culpepper.
That unforseen problem could only be sorted out using my gleaming little enforcer here. Twice!”

GOF; “So what does the future hold for you now, given that you are happily married to Catherine Parr, but going to be dead within 8 months?”

Henry; “You disrespectful little Antipodean bastard GOF. I’ll tell you what I am most looking forward to; I’d like to take my lifetime tally of executions up to a round figure of 70,000.”

GOF; “Wwwwhaat nnnumber are yyyou up ttto

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