Tolstoy's Confession

Although Tolstoy would rebuke knowledge for having no influence on his answer, the truth surrounding the relationship between faith and knowledge needed to be deciphered. Tolstoy discusses how knowledge led him to faith, possibly without even knowing he did such a thing. Dwelling on the thought of his family, he inscribes, “I cannot hide the truth from them. Every step they take in knowledge leads them to this truth. And the truth is death”(Tolstoy 31-2). Though this is the only time in Confession that he admits this, what he understands to be truth would change drastically over the course of the next forty pages. Tolstoy believes wholeheartedly that knowledge of the rational and knowledge of the irrational are opposites, one giveth meaning,

Therefore, from his affair with knowledge, came his shelter in faith. Thus the time spent struggling with knowledge was paramount to his personal evolution. Without the meaninglessness found in knowledge, Tolstoy may have never reconsidered faith, the most enlightening of his experiences throughout Confession. All that being said, it seems fairly logical that his statement, “every step they take in knowledge leads them to this truth,” could also apply to the truth that he no longer believes to be death. Once more, this endorses the concept that faith and knowledge together accumulate the truth, there can be no other way. It is obvious that Tolstoy valued knowledge, quoting philosophers and using reason to understand the meaning of life. Everything he had obtained in life guided him toward finding his answer. It is because of his exposure to wisdom that he could say, “I began to realize the most profound wisdom of man was rooted in the answers given by faith and that I did not have the right to deny them on the grounds of reason”(Tolstoy

Not only did he see true faith being portrayed in the life of the common man, he also observed their humility and courage to live despite facing oppression, starvation, and death. Peasants had suffered like this for thousands of years, yet still they wake up each morning, toil their day away, and come home to be with their family. Of all people to fear that life was meaningless, truly it would be them. However, some of the happiest of people are those amongst the impoverished. As a man of strong emotions, this must have perplexed Tolstoy, bringing him feelings of guilt for entertaining thoughts of suicide while many peasants pushed through their hardships. The suffrage and torment Tolstoy faced was only fractional in comparison to those of the poor and hungry. Nevertheless, all agony is a serious issue, but Tolstoy would express the grief he felt for living so fortunately while others experienced inconceivable anguish. The incorporation of overwhelming emotion separated this from other endeavors in his life. In his time teaching the youth, Tolstoy was in fact moved in ways, but it did not make his life easier in any way, neither did his own education. He could not find purpose in University, which resulted in his unwillingness to