I paced back and forth on my front porch, letting my mind trace back to all the things that had happened since I blamed Tom Robinson of taking advantage of me. It was the first time I had completely permitted myself to think through what I have done and be conscious of it. I couldn’t help but to accuse Tom. I’m aware that deep down in my heart that it was wrong, but I was in panic. If my father had seen us and find out the solid truth, I can’t even imagine all the unspeakable actions he would have done with no shame. My father’s actions weren’t the only reason why fear caused me to say such untruthful lies, but how Maycomb would think of me and judge me were all the living nightmares lingering inside my head waiting to come alive. If they found out the filthy truth behind my egotistical accusations, I don’t think I will be sane. …show more content…
I should have never accused Tom Robinson of sexually assaulting me. The guilt is eating me alive. The sudden attention got me panicked and I just spit out useless and hurtful words at someone who does not deserve it. Why did I let the worst get to me? Tom is innocent, he has not done anything wrong. When Judge Taylor asked me to tell him what I remember happened, it felt as if all the air in my lungs were sucked out of me and I couldn’t let myself to say a word. I know what I did was sinful and it was myself to blame, but I just couldn’t own up to it. I am a coward. The sudden urge of frustration led me screaming in agony, ‘I got somethin’ to say an’ then I ain’t gonna say no more. That nigger yonder took advantage of me an’ if you fine fancy gentlemen don’t wanta do nothin’ about it then you’re all yellow stinkin’ cowards.’ This caused me to burst into tears. While Judge Taylor and everyone else in the room thought this was an act of misery from what had happened between Tom and me, it was pure