The Concert Band Analysis

Omar Gonzalez

One of the most beautiful sounds a human being will ever hear is that of a finely tuned concert band. The lovely sounds that come out of instruments played by fifty or so musicians who are precisely in tune and have practiced their part can be appreciated by even the mechanical engineer or the trash collector who somehow manages to split your trash can in half or leave it rolling half a mile down the street. Although it seems obvious that to reach that level of artistry one must practice at least weekly, somehow there are people that believe the human ear can withstand the screeching of a dying cat through a megaphone larger than a commercial cruise ship . Yes, these are the ones that do not practice. These are the members

Hopefully the threat of making their family go bankrupt is enough to force the student to put a little extra time into their music. If the sight of their wallets empty, coughing up dust, and gasping for currency is not enough then we now move way from economic forces of practice to a high schooler’s worst nightmare, public humiliation. The first penalty to the student’s first offense was only to sit in front of the band and be humiliated. If the student is willing to not practice and play a few wrong notes to make the band sound like a 2 year-old on a piano then they might not care for their band mates and consequently not be phased by humiliation in front of them. This is precisely why we bump it up to live television, center stage on Saturday Night Live. The student will be videotaped playing their part as beautifully as they have been playing it all this time . The recording is then played on SNL while the host, along with an audience of millions of ordinary people, laughs at them. The three penalties should be enough to make the play consider practicing even if they are as stubborn a mule if they want to keep their limbs. As appalling as a player who does not practice is, some may argue that

Without an instrument or limbs to use to play, the student will not be able to sabotage any band any longer. There will never be another band suffering from that same person. Another benefit would be that the student will be happier . To not undergo the embarrassment that they did throughout the penalties would be amazing for the student and thus fill them with joy. Along with the limb-less player being happy, his replacement will also benefit and be happy. The replacement will be able to play in a band with people who practice instead of a band with lazy bums who refuse to practice. In addition, melting an instrument means that you now have the material to make another object. Recycling of instruments can be introduced to the music world and not only will people benefit, so will the