When Breath Becomes Air Essay

When Breath Becomes Air is a poignant memoir by Paul Kalanithi that explores the meaning of life, death, and the human condition that lies between. After years of studying to be a neurosurgeon, Paul Kalanithi, a young man in his mid-thirties, is suddenly diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Grappling with questions of what truly makes life worth living, Kalanithi uses the novel to detail his questions on purpose and meaning while facing his own mortality. Throughout his book, the author explores various themes and ideas on a myriad of topics as he watches his life pass before him. Thus, Kalanithi’s expressions of the emotional tax on doctors, loss of identity in tragedy, and power of compassion and empathy, both in medicine and life, offer

Being a doctor all those years, Kalanithi had certain expectations not just for himself, but also his future. As he explains in part two, “I had mapped out this whole forty-year career… twenty as a surgeon-scientist, the last-twenty as a writer” (136). Initially, he envisioned his life, long and healthy, but now, with the cancer diagnosis, had to cope with “what was no longer [his]”; a life as a father, awarded surgeon, or even residency graduate (147). This drastic change from doctor to patient left Kalanithi asking questions “Who am I?” as he struggled to find himself outside of the doctor’s office (102). He even compares himself to being “in between” both life and death and certainty and uncertainty, not truly identifying with one or the other (51). This idea really made me think of what was important to me and my being and ponder what I would be without it. I can’t even imagine how horrible it must be to have my life’s work, my forty-year plan, stripped away from me with one diagnosis. However, despite my sympathy, I think this idea of losing one’s identity is so important to be expressed; many people feel as though they lose a sense of self when dealing with tragedy, and this discussion shows those individuals that they are not

As a doctor, Kalanithi had experienced his fair share of apathy towards patients. He writes to the audience that there were plenty of times when he “pushed discharge over patient worries” or “ignored patient’ pain”; however, “they all returned, vengeful, angry, and inexorable” (85). After his cancer diagnosis, Kalanithi experiences the patient’s point of view, when an exhausted, snippy doctor refuses to provide him the medication he wants. This neglect and passivity ultimately leads the author to experiencing severe pain and “deterioration,” as his kidneys failed, his bowels were abnormal, and his mouth was so dry he couldn’t swallow (188). Contrastly, when Kalanithi was in the hands of a kind, empathetic oncologist, Emma, it was then that he was in his most relaxed and enjoyable state. Even when he was in his worst condition, on the verge of death, his wife noticed that “he appeared comfortable” (212). Thus, when treated with kindness and care, despite his cancer, it was then that Kalanithi was truly transformed, either mentally, physically, or emotionally. However, this power extends outside just the medical field. For instance, when on a trip to a home for children suffering with brain injuries, the kids there were shown very little love and respect. However, when Kalanithi smiled at one of the girls, “she gurgled and, looking right at me,